The Lonely Lady
by Peter Sasdy
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VHS Tape Cover Information
Actor: Anthony Holland, Bibi Besch, Joseph Cali, Lloyd Bochner, Pia ZadoraDirector: Peter Sasdy
Edition: VHS Tape
Audio: English (Original Language), Analog
Format: Color, NTSC
Release Date: 2000-08-25
Audience Rating: R (Restricted)
Publisher: Universal Studios
Studio: Universal Studios
VHS Movie Reviews of The Lonely Lady
Movie Review: Pia Zadora and Harold Robbins; Unintentional comedy on a GRAND scale!
Summary: 5 Stars
Let no one say that this Harold Robbins show biz potboiler doesn't begin with a bang: On the very day that Valley High student Pia Zadora wins an award as "most promising English major," she parties with fast Beverly Hills High students, one of whom --- weed-smoking Ray Liotta --- fondles her award and proclains its resemblance to a member of the male anatomy, fondles her breast ("Valley girls are anxious to please!"), throws her onto the lawn ("I'm gonna give you something special!"), and rapes her with the nearby garden hose. All this in the film's first fifteen minutes! (You may think it can't possibly continue at this crazed, trashy pace --- but you are wrong: In the seventy-six minutes left, there are eight nude love scenes, two lesbian encounters, two showers, one hot tub, one Jacuzzi, and one pool table yet to come.)
Zadora, who wants to be a writer, marries the first Oscar-winning screenwriter she meets, Lloyd Bochner. When a has-been begs Bochner for a part in his next film, Zadora gives what she hopes we'll think is a literary shudder as she wonders, "Who would want to be an actress?" Bochner, speaking as one who knows (to one who OUGHT to), replies, "In this business, you can't afford self-respect." When Bochner starts waving around that same garden hose, asking "Is this your kick?" Zadora divorces him.
She falls for (well, actually, she drops to her knees for) married movie star Jared Martin, who cold-shoulders her when she announces she's pregnant. She gets an abortion and, broke, works as a waitress for disco owner Joseph Cali who promises to fund her script. Zadora believes Cali "knows a lot of people," but her director pal Anthony Holland scoffs, "So does my garbage man!"
Soon Zadora's doing poppers, doing coke, and doing Cali, who plays pool while Zaadora lies nude on the table top, dodging the balls. Cali says she's to write only for him from now on, and Zadora gets off a classic Bad Movie howler when she roars, "If I write for anyone, I write for me!" Zadora's realization that everyone in the film is using her drives her stark, raving mad. How can we tell? It's the only time in the movie that Zadora takes a shower with her clothes on.
She's institutionalized, where an orderly tells Zadora's mother Bibi Besch, "She was suffering from paranoia and hallucinations, induced by tranquilizers, cocaine, amphetamines, alcohol" and Besch shrugs, "She's always been difficult." Given a typewriter as therapy, Zadora writes the script . . . of the movie we're watching.
Come the night of "The Awards Presentation Ceremony" --- Tinseltown's highest honor, we're told --- Zadora wins Best Screenplay and, at the podium, gives the speech that brings the film to its infamous finale: "I don't suppose I'm the only one who's had to f--- her way to the top."
Classic!!!!
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